New great music

I've been listening non-stop to The Mic Stand Fiasco. These guys are amazing. I'd put them up there with 21 Shots Till Morning. It wasn't until listening to TMSF that I realized how tragic it can be when you get your first pubes. I almost cried when lead singer, Timmy Wenton, started singing "Oh mom and dad/ how can you be glad/ you call me man/ time falls like sand." That's from track 2 on their latest album, "Balls Quiet on the Western Frontal." The song, for those of you too imcompetent to know about TMSF, is called "Growing Out and Sprouting Up." This is like the Alt/Pop-Punk/Rock/Emo version of that terrorist dude's song from 40's about rocking the cradle with a silver spoon and jumping jack flash on the dark side of the moon. You know, that whiny ass song about the dad and his gay son. Speaking of gay, wasn't the father in the song a pedophile or something, maybe that was Bob Dylan. If so, it's a good thing he's dead. Fucking people with foot fetishes suck.

But getting back to what's important, growing your first set of pubes. It's probably the worst time in any white suburban kid's life. Think about it. White dudes are awkward as it is, especially suburban ones. And so their whole lives they've been trying to figure out ways to not seem so awkward. Some take ballet, others, beat those kids up. But after 12 years or so, the finally figure out how to not be awkward. Then God decides to fuck with you. Pow, you've got pubes. Or La dee freaking dah, everyone else has pubes but you. I think at that time, you can hook up with slutty catholic school girls if they know you have pubes. Dude could wear the unwashed underwear of an alcoholic clown outside of his parachute pants and shit touch a girl's flat chest if he has pubes. The number one reason girls at that age don't like boys of their age... you said, "Darryl Strawberry." Survey says, "You boys are so immature." Wow, you were actually pretty close. Darryl Strawberry is quite immature, but in reality is not a boy, but a cartoon character turned into a toy craze for little girls because of the gut wrenching scent of plastic and artificial fruits the little doll dishes out on unknowing parents. Getting back to the heart of the matter, if a boy has pubes, that must mean he is, like the TMSF song says, "...a man..." Plus, since most girls hit puberty before boys, they usually have pubes too and thus both parties have something in common and an icebreaker is found: Guy: "Hey, I have pubes." Girl: "No way! So do I!" Guy: "Can I touch your boobs?" Girl: "If you want, but I've got tits like a Larry the Cableguy soliloquy, totally flat." Guy: "Aww sweet, Larry the Cableguy rocks, your boobs must be huge." Ok, so you've got your pubes before anyone else, your hooking up more than a velcro pad and your dog's shedded hair. Everything is great... for now. Next thing you know, everyone has pubes, so it's no big deal. You are so used to your old approach of picking up girls that you can't change. Hence, there are those awkward moments the rest of your life when you are talking to a girl and things are going well and you just blurt out, "Can we hook up now?" Smooth, like silk. Seriously, go to a white boy frat party and you'll see and hear it first hand. Thankfully, half the girls are drugged so you don't even have to ask.

But say you didn't get your pubes. Well, sorry Billy, your gonna have to do your own jerking off for a while. No helping hands for you. But wait a minute, don't give up. Little Billy learns to try other ways to hook up with girls. Nice, now you are getting somewhere. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter. If you don't have pubes no one will hook up with you except a couple of members from NAMBLA. So once you get your pubes, you forget all that smooth shit you used to pull and just go with the over the top I've got pubes bs. Like I said though, by this time everyone has pubes so you are, sadly, not screwed.

Ah but now shit really gets thrown through a loop. When you get to your late teens, the older generation convinces you that pubes suck, shave them, wax them, nuke them, whatever it takes, NO PUBES OR ELSE NO SEX!!!!!! But here's the catch. It only really applies to women. Why? Because they realize that little hole fucking smells horrible with all that hair trapping her cod-like aroma. And do you know why guys are telling girls to get rid of their hair (I'm sure lezbos do it too, cept maybe them butch mofos)? Because it's a revenge tactic. All those years wasted, growing out pubes to get with girls when we really only needed to be fucking smooth like black dudes, or exotic like latinos or continental Europeans. I don't know about whether or not Asian dudes get play, I don't talk to them for fear of SARS. I even wear a mask when I order Chinese, I mean Asian food, I mean cuisine over then telephone. But yeah, so we ge revenge. The tortue those biotches put us through, well, they get double cause of the stubble. Booyah.

As you see, white suburban kids are usually stupid and always awkward and are a parasite of society. Kinda like the only blindfolded guy in a circle jerk when he takes off the blindfold in front of the fat girl sorority. If it weren't for great music, like TMSF, these kids would have to resort to creating something cool and unique. And we wouldn't want them doing that, now would we?